A breaking heart combined with an understanding love

It's been awhile since I have updated the blog.  I'm sorry about that.  I've been very busy dealing with everything that sitting down and spending time doing this has not been my first priority.

January 15, 2018 really changed our lives.

That's the day that Jerry had his first Grand Mall Seizure.  He has not been the same since.  His cancer has become very aggressive and is no longer responding to any of the treatments that have been presented to him.
Jerry and I spoke to his Dr yesterday and he explained to us why surgery wasn't an option.  He also told us that patients on the Avastin treatment see improvements after the first infusion.  I asked his Dr. exactly what he meant by that.  He said, that they would see a functional improvement in the patients health.  I was sad to tell him that the changes in Jerry since his Avastin treatment have not been a functional improvement.  Rather a decline.  Jerry and I spent several hours together the other day just laughing …

Overwhelming Love

Sunday 1-21-2018

Jerry has been transferred to McLaren's Rehabilitation unit. 

As I sit in the hospital with him, I can’t help but reflect on all the love that has been surrounding us. So many people have been helping us through this, and I know we couldn’t do it without any of you. This is  Jerry’s second day of therapy, and he is so tired. I’m hoping that he does get stronger and is able to come home sooner than later. We all miss him being there.    I try not to thank anyone specifically via social media or my blog because I don’t want to leave anyone out and hurt anyone’s feelings, but we have been helped in ways that are unbelievable. We’ve been given enough money to put a down payment, or should I say deposit on the home that we are trying to purchase. We have been offered help to fix some things around the house that need to get fixed. Somebody just dropped off a ton of new boxes yesterday for us to use for packing. People have been helping with the kids.  We have been give…


For those of you who are following the blog.  Jerry has been hospitalized twice over the last two weeks.  He had a Grand Mall Seizure at home and another at the hospital.  He’s still admitted at Henry Ford.  He has not completely returned to his pre-seizure baseline.  His left side is weaker than before and the tumor is starting to affect his right side. His chemotherapy doesn’t seem to be working so we will be meeting with his oncologist to start him on something called Avastin Therapy.  I don’t really know any more right now.

Busy Blessings....

Jerry and I were able to spend some much needed time together this weekend.  Unexpectedly, we had no kids at home.  We just took some time to hang out together without the distractions of "life".  We had a wonderful time together reconnecting and just "being friends"  Towards the end of our time together we stopped at Bronners in Frankenmuth.  That is a beautiful store, but not the best place to go on a weekend, this time of year!  It was crazy in there!  We ended up getting a snack and walking around a bit but realizing that it was too crowded and the lines were too long and we needed to leave.  Jerry's legs get tired, and when they get tired sometimes they "give out".  So, I asked Jerry to hold my arm, (he can be stubborn sometimes, but he did need some help) and we headed back to the car and went home.  When we got home, he went straight to sleep and has been there every since.  It's been about 3 hours now.  I started getting really teary eyed …

Being the Hands and Feet of Jesus.

Jesus healed the sick, loved the poor, touched the leper, stood up for the down-and-out, forgave the sinner, condemned the religious hypocrites, dined with prostitutes, and corrupt tax collectors, challenged the wealthy and powerful, fought for Justice for the oppressed, defied His culture, renounced materialism, demonstrated that greatness is found in serving - and then died that others might live. These actions - performed by one man - changed the world. These same actions, when carried out by His followers, still change the world today.
My world was changed today.

A friend of mine that I've known for about 3 months asks me almost daily, how I am doing and how my husband is doing. These last few weeks, I have expressed to her that I was just tired and overwhelmed. That my husbands energy level is less and less every week, every day. Especially on the weeks he is on Chemotherapy which happens to be this week. She asked me if there was anything she could do. I said the …

Thy Will Be Done

Thy Will Be Done?  What does that mean?  What does it mean to you?  I'm not really sure anymore. I would like to say that my faith is always strong and that I always lean on that everlasting love, but that is not true.  I'm distracted A LOT!  Like this song says, "Sometimes I gotta stop and remember that you are God and I am not."

Over the last 4 months, I've felt a fog over me.  A deep, sorrowing, drowning feeling.  I put a smile on my face when I'm around others, and I continue to be the "keeper" of my family, but I feel like I am daily pulling myself out of a rut.  Sometimes I shout at God and ask him Why?  Sometimes I cry at the drop of a hat and wonder if God is even there anymore.  I wonder if he is listening or if all of the demons from my past prevent him from being able to hear me.


I sing, I play the piano, I listen to music.....and I am reminded that he loves me and that his sorrows are deeper than mine could ever be.  Music …


I have had a lot of emotions going through me lately and the best way for me to deal with them is to write.  For some reason, it helps me to feel better when I talk about what is going on.  I don't have time to talk to a therapist or burden all my friends and family with conversations, so I write.... This way, people can listen if they want to, they are not forced to put on a smile and listen to me go on and on about my life while they are struggling with their own demons.  

So, if you have been following our story, you know that Jerry has been having several MRI's over the last year because the Dr's were seeing some changes.  There was no way to know what exactly was happening, so having MRI's often was the best option to figure it out.  Was it swelling?  Was it effects from radiation?  Was it good brain cells that were affected by the treatment?  What was going on?
At his last appointment, we received information to better explain what was happening because the MRI sca…